What does it mean to be productive? Is half a days work substantial? How many hours are acceptable that are allotted to just the work? How many should I be putting away each week?
What about the cleaning? The toilets starting to build up.
What about reading with the kids? I’ve missed the past 5 days now.
What about TV?
Productivity and procrastination are balancing on the tip of a knife. On one side I’ve got my shit together, work wise, I’m up to date, socialising online, regularly posting, regularly painting, and then I look behind me and every rooms a mess, every errand missed and my kids shunned. On the other side, I’ve got a clean space, a decluttered work space, a decluttered mindspace, my kids are happy and tended to, but then I realise just how behind I really am, I’ve neglected my social media, I squeezed in some art about a month ago, and the train slowed down to a hault.
Maybe I should get a copy of ‘The Secret’, or give Tony Robbins a try. 10 X my life. Hum and beat my chest…
I’m gonna go watch YouTube and figure this out.
*5 knitting videos later*
I think what I’m curious about knowing, is that how much time is enough time? Are all the hours I live meant to be consumed by my pure passion for art and being an artist? Am I meant to breath it in and out? Forget family and obligations, they’re nothing if you don’t make it. Forget personal growth, self care, and mental health it won’t matter once you’ve made it.
I spend 3–4 hours painting. Just painting. I then eat my lunch, top up my posts ready for all of my socials, clean up and then chill before writing a diary entry and practicing digital art — which I still suck at.
I wake up at 8.
I sleep at 10, maybe 11.
I know I spend too much time on YouTube, or watching movies. I know I want to start so many non-art projects. I know I can be a better mum.
But I can’t do it all. Does that mean I won’t make it. Does it mean that I am only worthy of stacking shelves?